Carrying Cullen

A Journey of Life, Love, and Daily Blessings with Our Baby Boy

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Three Months Old

Depending on how you look at it or count it on the calendar, Cullen would be three months old today.  3 months already?...

Waking up this morning and thinking today we would've celebrated three months with him...and then having that sinking, empty arms feeling set in, was tough.  Someone close to me said the other day that I don't cry much about it, but I do.  I just mostly cry to Joe and when I'm by myself.  And I did this morning on my way to work...I cried and I wept.  Thinking of the exciting baby milestones we would've been experiencing if he was here...  I imagined he'd look even more like his cousin, he'd probably be smiling his daddy's smile by now, babbling and mimicking our sounds and starting to enjoy playtime. 

And then my mind went back to the day he was born, as it does every day; the one very special day we had him here with us and I could just picture his tiny little fingers, wrapped around my finger... his big feet sticking out of his soft layette...his button nose...his sounds...his smell...oh that sweet, newborn baby smell...  It made me smile.  It was such an amazing blessing. 

I spent yesterday with a very dear friend and it really helped to keep me busy and keep my mind occupied.  And as we were driving, we started talking about Cullen.  I shared with her that seeing first hand how God has worked through Cullen, through us, through our families and our entire journey this past year... seeing how many lives He has touched and continuing to see Cullen's amazing purpose is what helps me through each and every day.  It's what helps me smile.  It's what helps me keep my head up.  I wish he was here, three months later, to enjoy all of those milestones with and to watch him grow, but I know he has a place in heaven with Jesus.  And although he may not be here, he is all around me and he continues to touch the hearts of so many.  I know, he continues to change my life, every day. 

Happy three months baby boy! 

Mommy loves you.  xoxo

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