Carrying Cullen

A Journey of Life, Love, and Daily Blessings with Our Baby Boy

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Ainsley Grace and Amazing Grace

It was a day we anxiously waited for, hoped for and prayed for.  On July 12th, 2016, at 9:40 a.m., our beautiful daughter, Ainsley Grace, was joyfully welcomed into this world.  8 lbs 6 oz. 20 1/4 inches long.  Cullen's baby sister, our precious rainbow baby, was whole, healthy, and absolutely perfe…

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Be Slow to Speak, Be Mindful of Your Words

An experience that happened to me several weeks ago has stuck with me; hard to brush off, only because it happens so often that I think it's something everyone should be aware of before they do the same thing.

I was in a local food chain restaurant, going to sit down when a women walked up to me…

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Cullen's Little Sister

I have wanted to blog since December, but the words and ability to put my thoughts and emotions "down on paper" have somewhat escaped me.  Well, actually, attempting to articulate exactly how I'm navigating this roller coaster of emotions we're on, hasn't exactly been the easiest thing to do.  But, …

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A Birthday Letter

To my Cullen,


It's your 2nd birthday.  It's hard to believe it has already been 2 years since the last time I held you in my arms. The greatest joy of my life was holding you and knowing God gave us such an amazing son.

I often think of how big you would be now; walking, talking, and …

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October, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is here.  A month full of memories and emotions.  It's hard to think that in just 2 short weeks we will be celebrating our son's 2nd heavenly birthday.  I can picture the day he was born like it was just yesterday... the sights, sounds and smells... are all still so vivid in my mind. 

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Give Thanksgiving

How many of us forget to stop on a daily basis and thank the Lord for what he has given us?  How many of us go about our lives each and every day, not minding the Lord, but when we are stricken with grief or tragedy, then we turn to him?  How many out there only look to the Lord when in need, instea…

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Happy 1st Birthday

Dear Cullen,

Happy Birthday baby boy!  It's your 1st birthday, one you are celebrating in the arms of Jesus, and what a celebration it must be in heaven!    

It's hard to imagine a year without you...  It's hard to believe this day has come.  It's been one whole year since I held your tiny …

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I Have Been Blessed

The leaves are vibrant colors and falling from the trees, pumpkins and mums dress up everyone's porches as you drive by, the smells of pumpkin and apple are everywhere, and the cool crisp air gives you a brisk feeling every morning you step out the door..... yes, it's fall.  It's October.  For us, i…

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Life After Loss

I haven't written in quite some time as life has seemed to run away with me...  It's hard to believe summer is gone and fall weather is here.  It's hard to believe it's been almost a year...  Taking on a new position at work, family activities, a few short vacations, maintaining our home and regular…

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A Life Worth Living

A very special young woman, Micaiah Bilger, who works with the Pennsylvania ProLife Federation, attended Cullen's services last November with a family friend.  A few months after his services, she reached out to me, asking if I would be willing to share our journey and Cullen's story to include in t…

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Happy Mothers Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all moms, step-moms, soon-to-be moms, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers!  Here's to you and celebrating the amazing opportunity to have the most important job in the world and what being a mom means. 

I might be celebrating this day with my sweet child in heaven, but he m…

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Like the Tide of the Ocean

It's hard to explain my emotions on a daily basis, but I have quickly learned that grieving the loss of your baby or child, or anyone for that matter, is like the tide of the ocean.  It rises and it falls... it's high and it's low... it comes and it goes...  

You feel great and then after a l…

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Our Birth Plan

In thinking about the day Cullen would be born, Joe and I put a lot of thought into how we wanted to spend our possibly short and very precious time with him and our family.  There were so many possible variables, and me being a planner, it helped me to think through each scenario ahead of time and …

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Three Months Old

Depending on how you look at it or count it on the calendar, Cullen would be three months old today.  3 months already?...

Waking up this morning and thinking today we would've celebrated three months with him...and then having that sinking, empty arms feeling set in, was tough.  Someone close to …

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Holiday Grief

I haven't posted in a month... Every time I sit down to write, I can't.  Every time I try to find the words, they just don't come...  I feel like the devil has really been getting me down with leaving me speechless these last several weeks.  

Sorting through emotions during the holidays and goi…

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Cullen's Birthday Slideshow

Naomi and Niki, photographers, owners of Inspired and Enchanted Photography (, and two women who have become very special to us, took some amazing pictures, capturing the special moments we shared with our families, friends and our baby Cullen on October 30.…

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With Thanksgiving

6 weeks have passed and I've thought so much about the amazing support we have received during this difficult time.  We are so thankful and it's hard to put into words just how much we truly appreciate all of the outreach and the many blessings we have been given. 

We thank the Lord, for keeping…

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It Is Well

Two weeks ago today we held Cullen's services -- the day we laid our precious baby boy to rest and celebrated his brief, but incredible life.


The DVD sl…

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Cullen's Birthday (from mommy's view) Pt. 2

The trip from recovery down the hall, up the elevator to the 9th floor, Maternity... was a bit of a blur.  But we made our way to Room 936, a number I'll never forget.  A place I'll never forget.  The place we spent the rest of our time, here, with our precious Cullen.   

Our nurse(s) got us s…

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Cullen's Birthday (from mommy's view) Pt. 1

It's hard to believe it's been a week since our dear Cullen was born...  THE most incredible and blessed day of our lives.  The happiest, the saddest.  Uplifting and heart-wrenching. 


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20 blog posts